Getting away and letting go..

Lets get a few things out of the way, I think too much (usually) and I am one of those people that most people would say takes life too seriously at the young age of 21 (almost 22). But every once in a while, I loosen up, let my really-short hair down and have some fun. The month of march gave me a few occasions to do so.

After lots of hard work, I finally had the good fortune of having two simply fabulous weekends in March. I went home for a weekend, which meant sleeping on the perfect dog Lay, laughing with my awesome sister D, chilling with the happy family, spending time with my lovely man P and the bonus of hanging out with a dear childhood friend, A. It was relaxing, rejuvenating and everything I needed. I returned to work with my well known hanger-in-my-mouth happy smile. :D

Just two weeks later, two of my sweet friends, AJ and K, decided that we just had to run far away from the city and the madness of work. And that is exactly what we did. We went far away into the woods. I indulged myself completely in the sights, smells, tastes, sounds and feeling of being around mother nature. After just a few hours of truly appreciating her and the relaxing, I saw something I had never seen before. As my friend AJ lazed around on the hammock under a beautifully lit starry night, she spotted something flickering near a tree. It was a tiny, yet fancy Firefly. I just watched it flutter and fly around for several minutes, completely absorbed in its beauty. The tiny fella took me by surprise and I kept staring. Soon, we went to bed in our tents and slept a good, fulfilling nights sleep. Bright, early and foggy, we set out on a nature walk. It was exhilarating to see birds I had never seen before and smell the fresh morning air. Who would have realised that happiness was that simple?

After a good breakfast, we rushed to a waterfall nearby that everybody was talking about. Huffing and puffing, we walked on, soon enough we heard the sound of the waterfall get louder and closer. And, there she was, not too big, not too small. Just perfect. As my friends urged me to go stand under her, I just remember letting go. I let the cold water fall on me and numb my senses. I let go of the negativity and the disappointment I had been carrying along. For in that moment, it was just me and the cold water. I don't remember the last time I felt that liberated.

I am grateful to AJ and K, for not just taking me along on this trip, but for reminding me that life is about these simple joys. About those jokes that just don't make sense. About getting child-like excited about a starry night. About jumping around on a trampoline. About smiling, singing, laughing, eating and living. :-)

Rain! Rain!

I can smell the oncoming rain! Can you?
Oh how awesome it would be
to be with you now.
To run wild and free.
To fall asleep with the rain outside.
To listen to your heart beat as the rain drops fall.
To take a walk outside after
the rain has washed the place free of grime.
Fresh smells. Fresh sights.
The beauty of a stroll together.

Oh I can smell the oncoming rain. Can you?
To taste the fresh air.
To cozy up to a warm cup of coffee.
To be whisked away in your arms.
To see stars after the sky clears.

Oh I can smell the oncoming rain. Can you?
The joys of lazing around and reading a book.
The sensation of knowing you are around.
Hot bajjis fresh from the store.
Warmth and love right there for show.

Oh I can smell the oncoming rain. Can you?
Your presence wraps me up.
I wish you were here tonight.
To smell the rain.
To taste the love.
To sense the longing.

A familiar silence

I moved into a home of my own in Bengaluru in the end of January this year. I was very nervous and even terrified of what was in store for me. I had not lived all alone before. I kept wondering, would I cook every night? Would I cry myself to sleep cause I was lonely? Would I be scared of the darkness? Would I eventually need a roommate? I have now successfully lived a month and two weeks in a house all alone without too much drama. I have had sensational nights alone, some spent laughing with friends and family and I have had bad nights alone as well. But the good definitely overpowers the rest. It is strange because so often I have been told its wonderful to come home to loved ones or a known face.And that eventually I am going to feel very lonely. But after a month, my home, its smell, its dark corners, its quiet spaces, its quirks, are a warm welcome. I like to hear that familiar sound of the fridge when I walk in. I like knowing exactly where all my stuff is. Most importantly, I love the liberating feeling it gives me to pay my own rent, electricity bill and just run a house.
Being the youngest child, my family loved to pamper me. I was never faced with the need or overwhelmed by the want to cook or clean because someone else was always doing it. So moving out and living alone was a way for me to grow up. Shockingly, my home now (though small) is actually very clean. I wash my own clothes and I love doing it every Saturday morning. I found myself take to living alone very naturally. I always loved my space but living with a happy family I never had a reason to feel alone. Living alone does bring with it that challenge of never having someone around for a hug. And I am truly glad that I am handling it well. In fact, I am loving it quite a bit.
As I work for long hours each day, coming home to an empty house is often a relief. But every once in a while, a strange feeling creeps up on me, to question if this comfort I have with being alone means something far more serious. Now, I just push the thought away and go back to enjoying my solitude. For after all, if it makes me happy, it can't be that bad right?

Cause self reflection is needed :)

Psych Babbler is a wonderful blogger I began to follow a while ago. She tagged me in this post. After much procrastinating and pushing this away, I have finally sat down to finish the task. I loved doing this tag cause it helped me reflect on my writing and allowed me the time and space to see if I have grown as a writer. I am glad that there has been some change. But I know there is a long way to go.

This post is to writing and to self reflection. Both of which keep me alive and happy. :)

So here are the categories in which you nominate your own posts. :D

— Your most beautiful post: I loved writing this piece cause the boy touched me. I don't think the content is beautiful. But it is the post that touched me. So in that sense I think its beautiful. http://srinidhir.blogspot.com/2011/11/his-remarkable-eyes_25.html


— Your most popular post: 'She's not just a pretty face' --- I write a lot of random posts but I never expected that so many people would like this post. My blog stats show it as my most read post. http://srinidhir.blogspot.com/2011/11/shes-not-just-pretty-face.html


– Your most controversial post: I think that I like the comments part of this post more than the post itself! http://srinidhir.blogspot.com/2011/08/sluts-are-us.html


– Your most helpful post: I have received mails about Bama after this and I think it is helpful in some way. :) http://srinidhir.blogspot.com/2011/11/falcon-in-skies.html


– A post whose success surprised you: I am shocked to find that so many people relate to the idea of a quiet space. :) http://srinidhir.blogspot.com/2011/10/quiet-space.html


– A post you feel didn’t get the attention it deserved: I am not too often proud of my work. But this one i hold very very close to my hear. http://srinidhir.blogspot.com/2010/11/statelessness.html


– The post that you are most proud of: This is the only section I am posting more than one. I am very partial to these two posts despite them being a little childish. I like the idea and I think I didn't execute it too badly. 
http://srinidhir.blogspot.com/2010/10/i-believe.html, http://srinidhir.blogspot.com/2010/01/depressingly-satisfying-consolation.html




Blogger nominates more bloggers to take part: 


Spaceman Spiff: Only started following you this year. Would love to see your list.


LOL: DITTO! :)


Red Handed: I am dying to see which one you are most proud of. :D

Arpita: :D Common dig up those archives!! :D I wanna read :D

Confessions of a chocolate obsessed: I am sure you will enjoy doing this :D

Anybody else who feels upto the task can please go right ahead. I think it is fairly enjoyable :)

Friends and acquaintances

I think I don't make friends very easily. Being an introvert, I take time to let my guard down. But a couple of times in my life, a few friendships were natural and barely took any effort from my end. I remember the conversation with J never stopped flowing, after we started talking. People around us couldn't believe that we had gotten so close, in such little time. Suddenly, we both (who are otherwise not so big on talking) were constantly chattering to each other. The comfort I shared with her, I never really found elsewhere. There was indeed something so relaxing and calming about conversations with her. Even now, the relationship is just as comfortable as it was when it began. It is just as fascinating, too.
I just assumed I got lucky with her as such an easy relationship had never presented itself to me before. I always had to work hard to make it work. But recently, I encountered another wonderful woman. I would like to like her AJ, similar to MJ which she would like I am sure. My friendship with her got off to a smooth start and it is still smooth. I like her personality and love her company. Too soon to tell, many would say. But I have a good feeling about her. Just like I had a wonderful feeling about J.
This got me thinking if I indeed I had judged myself all wrong and that I could make friends easily. Then I remembered what Richard Bach says in Illusions, "Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years."

Book review: 3's a crowd.

“A secret, sexual, romantic or emotional involvement that violates the commitment to an exclusive relationship”, is the definition used to describe infidelity in the book. 3’s a crowd is self-help book on “understanding and surviving infidelity”.
The book has a casual and very conversational tone to it. I understand that perhaps a lot of the examples quoted in the book might have been from real life stories. However, I kept feeling like they were cliché or too made up.  This I felt especially in the section where the author, Vijay Nagaswami, discusses the hallmarks of having an affair.
Prior to reading the book, I had a skewed idea of what an affair meant. I am not sure the book really helped change that. I do think that the author has done a good job of maintaining throughout the book that neither the “transgressor” nor the “aggrieved” is the victim. This is probably the very essence of any relationship, surviving the blame game. But I think practising that in reality is a lot harder than Nagaswami makes it out to be.
The author also briefly addresses the difference in the way men and women react to infidelity. I would have liked if this was further dealt with.


What I liked:

• The conversational tone of the book.
• The multiple examples that make the book not too boring (which is what I think when I think of self-help books, sorry)
• The positivity that infidelity can be survived. Something I feel is quite lacking.
• The attitude that infidelity could sometimes even be a random act that doesn’t mean anything in the long run.
• The forward thought of addressing that often infidelity is just a sexual act and perhaps means little.
• His language is pretty straightforward and the flow is good too.

What I didn’t like:

• The fact that he just did not address the issue that some couples do not want to look past the act of transgression. (this could be seen as a good thing, but I felt that it needed to be 
• The many examples after a while I began to read in a funny voice because it sort of became a joke.
• I felt the book did not help me see the side of the transgressor, which I was hoping it would. I think this is something that is lacking in the book.

I would like to quote one of the examples, incase I am just being biased:


“One day after she had a bitter quarrel with her husband, she broke down in her cabin at office, when Samarath walked in. He asked what was wrong, they began to talk and Samarath began to play the role of a counsellor which came naturally to him. However, with Rati it was different. He started developing feelings for her. And she for him, since they spent nearly twelve hours a day at work to meet punishing deadlines. One day, almost naturally, he held and kissed Rati, who reciprocated with equal spontaneity. This set off a tornado of guilty in Samarath’s mind and even though nothing more than a kiss happened, he felt he had let Asha (his wife) down inordinately.”


Rating: 2/5
Final verdict: Not my type of a book.

This review is a part of the Book Reviews Program at BlogAdda.com. Participate now to get free books!

Mind space

So many people, so often quote Virginia Woolf and say that 'all a woman needs to write is some money and a room of one's own'. Now I completely agreed with that. Until, I had a house of my own (a rented one), a fixed income and I still couldn't write. I racked my brains for long hours. Stories, fiction and real life incidents, played over and over again in my head but I never had my usual uncontrollable urge to pen it all down. I would sit with a book and a pen and find myself blank. It isn't writers block, I know. But there is a block. To top it all, I feel a restlessness that is a sign of my withdrawal from writing. I tell myself, it will pass and I will be buried in my writing soon. But a month on, I haven't written a productive word.
When I sat down to write about my state of mind, it struck me. Woolf was not just talking about a room in its physical terms. She must have also meant mind space right?
It was suddenly so obvious. As much as writing is a stress buster for me, it is also an act that I can only take part in when I separate myself from the world. To be able to do that, I need to force the inconsequential, useless thoughts out of my mind, sit down and write.
Writing is now a part of me that enables me to think better, live better. But if I have to engage with writing the way I enjoy, I need silence. Not just from the world, but from the harsh voices in my head. And sometimes what I need is not a room or house of my own. But a space in my mind which is free of others opinions of me. And I need it soon.

Reading challenge 2012!!

Now in 2011 I figured that reading new authors is exciting and helps me understand new writing better.

I am now taking the South Asian Challenge 2012 of reading books. I am taking the challenge posed by S Krishna Books.

I will be reading a minimum of 10 books by South Asian writers and hopefully will write a review for all of them. 

I hope many of you will join in as well.

AND yes, there are very pretty badges too. :-)

If you are interested, head over to the link and sign up!! :)

I am smart when the year ends.

The year was full of eye-opening, heart warming, heart wrenching, soul transforming moments. Just like most years but this year in particular (unlike the years that have passed) is ending on a good note.

 
 

I am adamant. I will do what I want. It is purely an Arian trait and one that I am actually not ashamed of.
 

I can devour books. Reading is my favourite pastime and more often than not, I like doing it in privacy.
 

I love engaging in conversations about the problems that plague the world. More than that, I love hearing a contradicting point of view coherently put forth. I am willing to listen and open to change of heart.

When I am passionate about something, I am motivated to accomplish the task.

"No, I didn't invite those stares. Covered I was, I fought. Years later, I realised, in your filthy eyes, naked I will always be. #Story140"
A valuable lesson might I add.

A job for me is not something that only gives me money. It must make me happy as well.
 

Family, home, friends change just as much as they stay the same.

I want to be an independent woman more than most other things.

Fiction is a way for me to live in a world I imagine. Even if it is just for a few hours.

Relationships, friendships, any bond, needs time, attention, love, care and endless hard work. Nothing great comes easy.

I like living in a house with animals. Need to get one.

I might be selfish. But then again, why shouldn’t I be?

‘Broken hearts will mend’. That was our beginning coming to an end.

I take guilt trips for free. Must change.

Only I can set myself free from the society and its stereotypical expectations.

I can remember every hard word spoken, written, texted to me, in verbatim. Probably the date as well. Must learn to let go.

Compliments are rare. Must learn to accept them and believe them as well.

I am my best judge and my worst critic.

My dreams, my passions, my career are important to me. I am not shamed by that.

Living in a strange city was made a lot easier by my amazing sister and Phil.

I have forgotten how to make friends.

Gilmore girls is the ultimate guilty pleasure.

Dear 2012,
 

You look promising. New job, new city, new dreams. All waiting for me. Take me to a happy place and I will learn to fly. Maybe even soar. In the mean time, thank you Mr Past for making me who I am. Bugger off now.
 

Sincerely,
I-have-faith-in-the-unknown

Decision

You didn't give me much,
yet guilt I am ridden with,
I have to let it go,
my past is all to live with.

I can move on,
I am a bird with wings,
I know here I don't belong,
with that thought freedom it brings.

I stare at the walls,
I know I shouldn't care,
Soon far away I shall go,
from those cold glares.

Yet, acceptance I crave,
but deep within I let it stay,
for staying here will lead me no where,
I hope in the end I will find my way.

The past is comfortable,
the future daunting,
for I can't see what's in store,
without assuming and taunting.

Crippled by my own angst,
anxiety overwhelms.
I look past this day,
this year, this decade,
someday the world will understand,
that decision I once quickly made.



P.s- Song apt for this moment
Shania Twain --- UP

.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IcGuHnw1sw