Thursday, May 24, 2007

An experience that changed me forever!!!

The irony of life is you always learn the hard way! The loss of a friend… a family member… a near and dear one wrecks havoc in our lives! It teaches us a whole lot of life’s lessons!! I learnt a lot of lessons on that fateful day! Maybe it was a time when I could comprehend what was happening! Whatever it was I understood clearly what I was forced to deal with!

It’s almost a year from that dreadful day and I can still picture it. I lost a dear friend that day… I lost a part of me! He was always positive, cheerful and intellectual!! He was a dear friend… A loving and caring son… an affectionate brother! He dealt with things in his own way… in his own time! But he dealt with them rationally! He taught me a lesson ill never forget, he taught me it in the hardest way! He taught me life’s not about tomorrow, life’s not about worries…. it’s all about living in the moment! Unfortunately I didn’t learn it well enough! Fortunately his memory will stay with me forever and eventually I will learn it! Is that consolation enough for the loss?? That’s something I will never understand! There was something about him… he always understood… he always knew the right thing to say… he knew where it hurt… he knew how to help heal it! There was one flaw but he was just too kind!

He had his own set of goals, dreams, barriers he wanted to tear down and he would go to any extent to fulfill it! That’s a lesson I’m delighted I did learn! Determination and courage hand in hand they do wonders! His death put a great mind to rest! But it also stirred a lot others! To learn from the hero… to reach where he was … to able to set a target and not only reach it… but bring it down at your feet… crumbling under pressure! That’s what set him apart from them all… everything in his life was filled with passion, enthusiasm, care and love!

The experience of knowing him changed me forever! The experience of his death taught me things I don’t think I would have learned any other way!! He was a special guy! An angel in disguise alright! Somehow how much ever I try… I can’t begin to explain the impact he’s had, has and will have on me and my life! But it goes to say… that he’s left me speechless! Is it something I will forget with time? I don’t think so! Will death keep me from learning from him? I don’t think so!!

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Is it possible to enjoy the beauty of the silent night while wishing the sun would rise to spread warmth to every part of your body? Is it possible to love despite the fear of loss and hurt? I hope so!!

We go through the worst phases and come out fine! A little scratched but fine! It’s all about believing in you! I believe I can fly… I believe I’m fine! :) I believe there’s hope for a better tomorrow! I believe that everything gets better with love and time! I guess someone was right when they said “it’s better to love and hurt than never to have loved” and yes there is something absolutely beautiful about the silent night something contrasting to the warm and bright summer morning nevertheless beautiful!

That’s the best part of life, isn’t it? Looking for joy and peace everywhere and when you can do that, you are truly blissful! When the world turns its back on you, but you learn to stay strong, you are truly a hero!

From when I was old enough to understand it I have walked life’s road to achieve it! I think on this very very important crossroad, I’m a little closer to that part of my life....where life is full of thorns but you just don’t get pricked! Or just didn’t see the thorn among the bunch of roses!

I don’t know if that stage actually exists in one’s life! But I’m willing to do anything to find out! My sis once told me that things aren’t always as bad as were make them out to afterall ‘ What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly’. So maybe getting there..... attaining pure bliss ain’t all that hard. It’s all about faith!This time it's faith in you!

Somehow everything is easier if you believe in you….If you have a friend in you…. If you love you! The highest of mountains aren’t high enough if you know you can conquer them, the strongest of currents aren’t strong enough if you know you can swim right through them! Nothing is impossible and I guess the key is to just believe!!

Friday, January 12, 2007

An ode to a friend!!!

chanu... as i would often call him to irritate him.... was not a boy... was not a teenager.. he was a man! i was in class 9 when i met him first!! he was the first to ever tell me on my face that i was very judgemental! there began our friendship... i hated his guts for having said that... he wasnt too fond of me either!!he was a genius.. i was average!! he was my co-captain and we didnt get along at all!! forced to spend a whole lot of time with him.. i wasnt very excited bout it!! im guessing he wasnt either!! but i got to know him... and i found a friend, a gem and a fighter!! there i found a friendship... that could never be topped... there i found a friend...whom i could always depend on!!
it was a normal summers day when he called!! he was his usual self.. laughing and joking... but then his voice got a lil bit serious... he told me he was suffering from blood cancer! and that he was in the hospital!! i pestered him for details and promised to visit him with tons of books(stories)! i kept my promise! i went to see him... he looked drained but the smile was still on! he fought and fought... in the process losing all his hair! he laughed that off too! he returned to school but made frequent visits to the hospital!! his bald head some ppl made fun off... somehow it never bothered him! he was strong... i admired him and his strength and wanted to be just like him! he had a heart of gold... a natural genius.... everyones friend!!! he had a girlfriend whom he loved so! he thought with his heart... he made every desicion from there!! he was the sweetest person i had ever met! and he called me the sweetest person! he was modesty personified! no airs... zilch! he had a vocab better than most ppl! he had manners of a gentleman!!
by the end of the school year... he studied and fought the disease hand in hand!!! and came out with outstanding results in both!!! got 90% and his body regained the stability needed!!
he enrolled in a top college... and they had huge expectations from him!!! he broke every barrier and came out always as a winner! he was studying hard... in college for over 10 hrs... but still found the time to call and drop a hi! he was something!!! the last barrier... the boards! we were all nervous!! his modesty hid the fact that he had outdone everyone!! but when the results came.. none of us were fooled!! he topped the state!! he was a hero yet again!! he was literally worshipped in his college! all along... not knowing his body was losing it again!! he was not surprised when he had a relapse! but i was!! i was shattered!!! but not for one second did i think he wouldnt fight it again... not for one second did i think he wouldnt come out as winner yet again!!! but this time it was a long road!! he fought and fought!! did everything there was... everything he could!! allopathy,chemo,ayurvedic,homeo... he tried one.. tried all!!! but somehow nothing seemed to be working!!
there was one last hope... bone marrow transplant! for that he needed an exact match... he was hospitalised for 2 months!! he was depressed... he didnt like it in there... he wanted to be home!! they searched for a match.... unfortunately they didnt find one! he came back home... lived at home... but was still under medication! he was regaining his strength... i was delighted he was!! he never lost hope! but deep down he had accepted his fate... long before any of us had!!
the night before diwali... i got a call... at nearly 12.. informing me of his death!!! i was shocked... i couldnt even cry!! as the night went on... i barely slept... i broke down and cried myself to sleep!!! i prayed for his soul!! as morn came i made calls inquiring bout his funeral. i wanted to attend it... i needed to attend it!seeing him eased things a bit... he looked at peace! i was in a way happy... he didnt deserve to suffer... he deserved all the riches and all the happiness in the world! he gave me more than i guess he ever realised! i love him! his memories.. his thoughts... his values ... his virtues.. everything will always be with me! he will always be with me! my first true friend! my hero! my idol!
i didnt want to write this before... i wasnt ready!! now i am! im grateful i was touched by him.... im grateful i have him in my life!!! more than anything else im grateful for all the times he gave me strength... for all the times he told me i was the sweetest... for all the times he was there when i needed a friend!! he made me a better person!! he made this world a better place!! i have to find solace in the fact that his mission on earth was over!! whatever happens i will always love him... and hold him close to my heart... for now and forever!