Monday, December 20, 2010

2010- the year gone by.

As I glance around me in ACJ, the day we were leaving, I realise the year 2010 is one I will never forget. As Brooke says in One Tree Hill, "there are some moments when you realise that you will no longer be the same." For me, 2010 was one long moment.
  • To never let anyone else feel superior to me. They cant be. For they will never have my make mark. 
  • Every devastating low is followed by an incredible high. I just have to wait for it.
  • "Nafarat ki duniya ko chodke, pyar ki duniya mein kush rehna mere yaar."
  • The elements of grey, trail the scenes of our times.
  • I must make the most of what I get, what I have. And complain less.
  • I must learn to understand subtle hints and not wait for a brutal fall.
  • I have the best armour. Thanks to my family and extended family. <3
  • Silence is not deafening for me. But calming, peaceful and enlightening. It tells me that everything in this world is subjective.
  • I will always be fine.
  • The world is a nice place. Just depends on in which direction I am looking.
  • It is easier to pretend. But it is not better.
  • Never question good deeds, happiness and love. They come in short supply and in spurts.
  • I am not alone. I am not afraid.
  • Battles are tough to fight each day. But I must "learn to take pride in my struggle".
  • Black clouds lead to rain. Rain leads to wet mud. So even the darkest moment has a hidden, masked high.
  • I found my calling.
  • I can be strong if I want to.
  • I push myself better than I imagined.
  • Blame games don't work. And are not worth my energy.
  • Acceptance of the truth is tough. But necessary and worth it.
  • I will fly. High and far.
  • Just cause people hit me where it hurts, doesn't mean I need to do the same. Life is not about winning.
  • High road sucks. But somewhere I know that thanks to all the high roads I took, I became a better person.
  • I doubt myself, my capabilities every single day. But I know one thing. I can get whatever I set my heart and mind to.
  • I am generally nice. Unless you push at my hidden buttons of malice. Even then, you have to push really hard for me to voice it. It could be my weakness that I let people take me for a ride. But I consider it my biggest strength. For after all, "an eye for an eye and the whole world will be blind".
2010 had my highest high and lowest low. But as 2010 ends, I am stronger, wiser, smarter, more independent, passionate and fully aware that I have what it takes to chase my dreams. No matter what, I will always be me. And no one can take that away from me. All I need is a little faith. :)

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Lying down in darkness

Invisible tears wet my pillow,
as I lie down,
Tired and hurt,
Yet another fall, way down below.

This time it was not you or him or her,
It was me, my experience,
That tainted soul,
That heaviness I bore,
Weighs me down,
Despicable, me.

Questioning the contours of mine,
Doubting all that appears, here and thine.

Imagining the past that was,
The person I could have been,
Those that could have stayed,
Here and mine.

The sights, the sounds that didn't become,
the future that forced me to succumb.

Dreaming about you, me, the world,
Illusions of our times, as they were,
Petals, leaves and stems,
Dried, forgotten, gone.
Perhaps we were.

As I look up from darkness,
Aware, scared and still,
You, me, the world that would never be.

Me floating in that moment,
When I did believe,
You, me, the world did exist,
But you and me, have ceased to be.

Now,
Impassive and silent,
I lie in this darkness,
Unseen, Unchained,
Despicable me.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

So close, yet so far.

So easy to get bored of a place,
So easy to tire when seeing a face,
But months pass, years fly
you crave the same face,
you need it near by.

But long ago you said goodbye.
You swore you will never need it by, your side.

You had grown accustomed,
to the sounds of silence.
You had grown used to,
speaking for the others.

In your mind,
you weren't alone.
But in reality,
you were indeed.

How you pushed them away,
from fear of being stepped on.
How a shell you went into,
terrified of being let down.

After all these years,
you wish they were here,
for friends like those.
are rare to find.

But if they were here,
would they truly be there,
if indeed you did let them in,
would they really stay near?

Some close, yet afar,
they dwell and perish.
others so far, yet on the mind
these dwell and live on.

Some so close to the heart, yet so so far...

The absurd.

"The absurd is born of the confrontation between the human need and the unreasonable silence of the world". "It's absurd" means "It's impossible" but also: "It's contradictory".
These statements are taken from the 'The Myth of Sisyphus' by Albert Camus. They generated a thought cloud in my head. While bouncing it off one of my favourite people at ACJ a.k.a Mahima, we were driven to a larger debate of social constructs and its impact on our thinking. And so I let my mind wander.
It is absurd when a woman full of feminineness willingly makes the choice of keeping her hair short. It is absurd when a woman, fierce and overflowing with enthusiasm for exploring life and the world, chooses a career over a family. Similarly, it is impossible to imagine why a man choose to end his life.
All the above are thought to be crazy and sometimes even insane. But who is to define what is 'sane' and since when did being insane become a crime. As far as I remember Vincent Van Gogh is a genius. Probably the only one of his kind. Yet he died in his 30s with only one ear. While reading the book, I soon discovered that the author echoed my thoughts on several thought streams with such clarity. In his words "The absurd depends as much on man as on the world he lives in." In other words the feeling of absurdity doesn't evolve from either of them individually but from the confrontation of the two. And that is not the truth. Just one of the truths spinning around in the wild breeze.
It made me question one of the truths I personally believe, if we as an entire community were to break these norms and behave as we please, these constructs would cease to exist. Hopefully. On the other hand, we have an odd rebel or two roaming around tattooed and pierced, bravely stringing their personality and character along for us to see. Certainly not ashamed of who they are.
In all honesty and fairness, I envy them. For if it is true, we have a short life and I would like to live life without having to keep the numerous social constructs in mind. And if I please to take my own life, I certainly don't deserve others looking at me as insane if I succeed or a felon should I not succeed.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Distorted lies.

You said your share,
I heard it from here,
It seemed your side,
my side was no where.

You retold it,
to another ear,
it was just your tale,
mine lie forgotten.

It spread this way,
from ear to mouth,
mouth to ear,and I saw it
all the way from here.

Far from you,
I perched to see,
how far from the truth,
the tale began to be.

I never said a word,
the fault was mine,
For my story stayed hidden,
yours turned to gospel, oh my.

Nobody imagined,
there was another tale,
a silent story,
of that fair lonely maiden.

Distorted lies,
Unspoken truth,
led to a silent death,
of her within.

Soon it was her who lie,
forgotten like her tale,
as the world spun around,
pleasantly unaware.

Friday, November 12, 2010

My make mark.


I was in a class I had been really looking forward to; Critical International Issues. My sir happened to mention this concept of multiple identities in a society. It triggered something in my mind. Post that everything he said was a blur. He was talking of how in a society conflicts arise because of conflicting identities. I was not thinking of a society at all. Self centered that I am, the debate in my mind had been brought down to the conflicting ideas within me. I want to travel the world, I thought. I want to treat myself to the mystical pasts of culture and the transformations of traditions. On the other hand, I want to help the species that need my help. Including animals that can't voice what they want, people whose voices go unheard and stories that live and die without being acknowledged. Apart from all this I want to be a writer; a writer who has class, style and who is unlike the usual.

When I adamantly broke away from my wishful identities I heard my sir mention, these identities co exist if we allow them to. I realized at that moment that the only reason I am who ever I am, is cause of these multiple overlaps of my multiple identities. These overlaps create a unique combination of ideals, wishes and wants. People might have the same combinations but the way they overlap in me is exclusive to just little old me.

So, I might be crazy in the head to want all these identities of mine to co-exist in this short life of mine. But I can vouch for the fact that I cannot be recreated, at least not in the same way that I was, making this the hallmark of my identity. I am not like you and you will never be like me. That is just the mark of my make.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Compassion Fatigue



You came to me for help,
I gave you my all,
A shoulder, a hug, a kiss,
A friend to lean on.

You never saw me,
In the way I did,
But, You always returned
To lean on me.

I never let you down,
You in turn grew on me,
A shoulder, a hug, a kiss,
I was there to lean on.

I was pushed down,
I looked for you,
You were no where to be found,
For me to lean on.

I felt let down,
When I needed only you,
A shoulder, a hug, a kiss,
A friend to lean on.

You came running,
When someone let you down,
I gave you my hand,
And a shoulder to lean on.

But, When I looked,
You were never found,
For, a shoulder, a hug, a kiss,
A friend to lean on.

Slowly I drained,
My power to feel,
I felt fatigue,
I was now all weak.

I let us reach here,
For you were never around,
For, a shoulder, a hug, a kiss,
Or a friend to lean on.

This is the end,
I am sorry we are here,
You drove me to,
My compassions end.

I never believed I would feel,
This let down,
For I never had your shoulder,
When I needed it to lean on.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Statelessness

Here I was,
believing I belonged,
little did I know,
they didn't feel alike.

We grew up as one,
growing into the other,
But little did I know,
I was always kept aside.

You told me we are one,
I absorbed what I saw,
But little did I know,
I didn't really belong.

You were mine too,
you said it so,
But little did I know,
that it was all a lie.

I was soon thrown out,
you didn't help me up,
But little did I know,
you would just watch me go.

People in power,
didn't like our bond,
But little did I know,
they only wanted all of you.

I was born into you,
but you were never mine,
Now I know, I would
always be a visitor to you.

I came looking for refuge,
I gave my heart to you,
But little did I know,
you would never really be mine.

Note: This one is from a refugee to the land. :)

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Split personality.

Voices in my head,
Contradicting each,
One urged let go,
other held for hope.

Trying to shelter,
My self from harm,
walking backwards,
Seemed more smart.

Subtlety was my art,
I don't express, but,
You were thick
and hard as a rock.

You didn't sense,
the turmoil within,
You didn't see,
the pain brewing.

One voice told me,
It will fade away,
You will see,
and change your way.

A voice warned,
it was far from real,
this illusion of,
your good will.

I was torn,
between these voices,
But I failed to see,
it was always me I had to,
look out for, you see.

Just Stop.

Broken inside,
torn apart,
it all looked bleak,
yet you did not stop.

You inched closer,
I wasn't harsh,
You were stubborn,
A new blow to my heart.


I tried to keep you away,
You drew your sword,
I screamed to leave,
Yet you did not stop.


You held on tighter,
I didn't force too hard,
You were harsh,
A new blow to my heart.


My fault I didnt say,
Stop. Just stop,
Before you deal,
Another blow to my heart.

Am I so predictale?


You knew you could leave,
And you did,
You knew I would forgive,
And I did.
Am I so predictable?

You knew you could scream,
And you didn't let me down,
You knew I would listen,
And I didn't let you down.
Am I so predictable?

You knew I would never yell back,
You were surprised when I did,
You knew I would never walk out,
You were shocked when I warned.
I am not so preditable.
Dont push me too hard. Soon I will resist.

And shut the front door behind you...

I dont need your drama,
I dont deserve your shit,
You aren't the only one blessed,
We all have our own problems.

Anger or malicious content,
creepy, shady thoughts,
take them as you go,
and shut the front door behind you.

I dont like to sink low,
I dont want more pain,
you aren't the only one troubled,
we all have our own problems,

You scream, I shout,
We have lost our dignity now,
just walk out of here today,
and shut the front door behind you.

I am done crying,
I need to fight,
you arent singled out,
we all have our own problems,

You name call, I retort,
we fight a mindless battle,
I dont want your negativity,
leave,
and shut the front door behind you.

I cared too much to let it all go,
Till you pushed me too low,
It's time now,
shut the front door behind you.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

I believe...

  • I believe animals should be on top of the intelligence pyramid. Not man.
  • I believe stars talk to each other at night and that is why even in the silence of the night there is a soft whisper.
  • I believe in miracles.
  • I believe all humans have a good and bad side. We pick a side to live by.
  • I believe dogs have healing powers.
  • I believe mankind dug its own deep grave and now complains about it.
  • I believe the balance of good vs evil in this world is messed up.
  • I believe I have the power to achieve whatever I want if I believe from within.
  • I believe doggy people are the nicest people.
  • I believe that nature is the most superior force.
  • I believe nature teaches through its very existence.
  • I believe there are tons of stories hiding, waiting to be discovered and told.
  • I believe all of mankind has a talent special in them.
  • I believe faith alone can make impossible happen.
  • I believe in angels and fairies.
  • I believe in heaven and hell. I curse anyone I don't like to the boiling pits of oil in hell.
  • I believe in doggy heaven; a place specially designed for their kind souls.
  • I believe moms are the most forgiving souls alive.
  • I believe battles are only lost when you don't try.
  • I believe in fighting till your last breath.
  • I believe dreams are meant to be pursued, fought and won over.
  • I believe in sending positive thoughts out into the world.
  • I believe in traditions of religious and emotional kinds.
  • I believe I am not like everyone else.
  • I believe giving up and giving in are not options.
  • I believe life is unpredictable, but it has a path that usually you cannot see at the moment.
  • I believe we all have a mission on earth that we are sent to fulfill.
  • I believe my mission is to look around me and tell the untold stories.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

I miss the innocence.

A lecturer in my college got me thinking. He wanted us to fight to stay away from doing what the crowd does, as a journalist. I want to take his thought beyond the frame of a journalist, to our characters and life. People tell me I am no longer innocent. Sometimes I wonder why in God's name I grew up. It is so hard to have seen the world, its harsh realities and then fight to stay good.

When I meet cheats, liars and jerks, I complain. I refrain from behaving the way they do. Can I not apply that to every aspect? I wonder why I am tempted so often to sink to that level as a sense of defense. When someone hurts you, you find a need to recoil. The art of high road is dead. I love taking the high road. But there is a limit till you can take it. After that you are tempted to attack back. Fighting that urge and staying true to myself is a fight I face everyday. I wonder if such thoughts enter the minds of those causing me harm. I suppose not. Else they do a good job of ignoring them.
I once read, "Broken bones are easy". The truth in this statement is astounding. The words, phrases, paragraphs and stories people weave to make us believe a "truth" makes me wish I was a monk or another species. But if I were to give them the benefit of doubt and believe for a while, they find a way to prove themselves and me wrong along the way. Making this the most contorted fact of my life.Thanks to them, my innocence is tarnished, I am bordering being highly cynical and I struggle to keep myself afloat. All in an attempt to not become one of the crowd. It's not like I dare to be different, just that I am brave  enough to admit that I am.
I don't need more drama than the natural calamities of this world. But the irony is, I still have some lessons to learn. Till then, I fight to smile. I fight to survive. I fight to grow.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Random excerpts of the wandering mind.

The sight of green,
The smell of purity,
The feel of peace,
The thought of sanity.
The mixture of ideas all to urge an existence of betterment. Where did he go wrong? When will he feel strong? Ideas of confidence fail him. Seated in a large room, enveloped by the voices in his head, he drowns in them. Fretting over insignificant details, focusing on irrelevant ideas, he suffers to stay afloat. As he attempts now to clear up his mind, to redefine and redirect, he finds a ray of hope. He finds a reason to not rivet to the gloom of the state, to the spiral soaring him further beneath.
Just a little faith in the unknown.

She saw the butterflies and the flowers,
He saw the motionless cement walls.
She saw the sun, warm and bright,
He saw the darkness of every night.
She smiled in groups and solo,
He laughed in the company of his own.
She believed there were highs after every low,
He just waited to get up post the brutal falls.
She loved the beautiful world,
He lived the real world.
She knew life was all good,
He faced the struggles for the good.
Life has two sides.Not everyone sees the light of the day everyday. Some live off the light they saw. Some struggle to sieve the good from the nasty. All getting by with..
Just a little faith in the unknown.


How long can you take the bullets before you show you bleed?
How long before you realize letting go is the only way?
How long before the love hurts more than pain?
Time is such a funny thing. Some people give in instantly.. some take their time. Both being the right thing to do.Sometimes you must think about what it does to you, to your mind, your body and you sanity.
Let it be.. Let it go..
Set yourself free from the chains of this world.

The imprecise world of words is equivalent to the unpredictable life created by the irrational actions. Can trust neither. Can only hope that there is some right in the words and some good in the unpredictability.

Sunday, August 01, 2010

Spring! :)

The sun had set; the beach looked mysterious and remarkable at the same time. As I walked on the sand, she approached me from the back. I didn’t notice her till she jumped and pawed my thighs. She had a bounce about her. How she knew I wouldn’t harm her I cannot comprehend. But she had summarised me well in that first glance. Her uninhibited joy at my excited voice and overjoyed petting was heart warming. I was tempted to pick her up to get a better, closer look at her face; but she bounded away towards the sea. I watched her approach the waves with a bravery that seemed indigestible for her size and her age. She waited for them from a distance and inched behind in fright if they came too close. I stopped a few feet behind her, scared to be too close to the waves, and watched her innocence with jealousy and awe. Mostly white except a small brown patch on her head, she resembled snow. She had extraordinarily big eyes that radiated positivity, which melted me into a giant puddle of love.

She turned around after a while and came by my side, like my own. Comfortably seated in my presence, together we listened and watched the mighty waves, in their beautiful form. She twitched occasionally when the waves got a sudden rush of force, but, never left my side. I knelt down by her side and patted her throughout. In a matter of seconds, she had called out to me and answered my prayers, at the same time reminding me of the existence of a parallel world; one that is overwhelmingly pure. I walked away from the beach and saw her run on in front of me, with a sense of bliss about her stride. I couldn’t help but name her Spring, happy and bubbling with an unhindered spirit.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Somewhere I belong...

Seated in a large room, I look around me. So many people seem to so easily blend into another. There is such a rush to fit in that soon enough people even begin to dress, talk and feel like the other. I never understood this concept of fitting in. To me everyone is a unique combination of ideas and thoughts. I never bothered very much in the effort to belong anywhere. My self proclaimed nonchalant attitude does come across in the way I speak and behave. I used to not be this. I felt a need to be accepted in the hip and happening group. That emotion didn’t stay with me for too long. Thankfully. As I grew older, I made friends. Some for years, some for months, some of same gender, some of the opposite gender. Each one with characteristics special to them. Some that I play and joke around with. Some that I share deep rooted philosophies with. Others a random mix match of all the above. This gives me an arena where I will always belong, where I am accepted for exactly the way I am. Making the concept of absorbing the surroundings and recreating almost dead to me. As I see people around me change and morph themselves depending on the company I wonder if the idea of true self exists. No matter the company, does one not have an identity that one sticks to? More often than not I am told I am a hyper child. I agree completely. But another, deeper side to me does exist, which is an integral part of me. I don't argue the various layers and sides to a person. But just the inclination to lose oneself in the ideas of another.

In an attempt to not be left out, I notice people try hard, very hard. Impressing the ones that stand out. Probably forgetting a bit of themselves over time. I am absolutely grateful right now, to be so comfortable around myself that I have lost the need to impress. I make friends slowly, sieving through the masks to see the real ones. While keeping the dear ones that matter close.

As I make my way out of the room, I look around to see a familiar face or two and I smile. I know it will take time, but I will make new friends. Ones that are brave enough to show me who they are and stick up for their beliefs without any farce. Till then, I walk in the secure realm of my mind with the people I love.

Saturday, July 03, 2010

My guardian angels!


I strongly believe god sends us all guardian angels to get through life on earth. Sometimes it gets very hard to get through it by yourself. For those times your guardian angels make life live-able. I have my own set of guardian angels. Ones that have seen me through the worst times and been with me at my happiest ones. My very own famille. I am immensely lucky to have them and there is not a day that goes by without me being grateful for their existence. This post is just a way to say thank you. For everything.

Appi dearest: How you know exactly how I am feeling I will never be able to explain. Thanks for never questioning and only hugging. Thanks for the faith you show in me. It is my driving force. You are the ultimate dad!

Amma: Your kindness and care have taken me through my darkest times. I am eternally in awe of your ways. You always know exactly what to say. You are my role model :)

Mishi: Your words soothe and energize at the same time. I will never wholly grasp where you generate all that positivity from. Whether near or far you never fail to always be there for me. You are my best friend and my sturdiest pillar of support. I don't know where I would be without you.

Mittu: You are my laughter machine. With you around it is impossible to not be in splits and let all my negativity go. You are my biggest critic. What you think is of utmost importance. You are my best friend and my sturdiest pillar of support. I don't know where I would be without you.

Lay: You are my love and my life. You have taught me patience and how to love. You are the best listener and the best secret keeper. I'l never be able to tell you how you changed my world and me. I love you!

This is an attempt at a thank you for being everything one can ever imagine or need. I love you the most. You are my number one priority. You make my world.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

At Breeze.

This is an attempt to chronicle my 4 months at Breeze Advertising Pvt. Ltd. with as much accuracy and to do as much justice as is humanely possible to this supernatural experience. Out of all the out of body memories I made, there are a few that are clearer than the rest.

  • The chair sinking every time only I sat on it in the studio. I have to be the reason for 'some' laughter.

  • Jana's face when 'bandh' is declared the next day. Oh the joys of staying home.

  • Ranjit sir's legendary genius expression of "I will throw up if you give me shit like that".

  • Mahesh sir's ways of hinting he wants chocolate.

  • Vijay sir's notion of Jana and me only needing one table, one chair, one laptop, one head set, one plate, one tiffin box, and maybe even one man.

  • Jana's impossible expression every time I call someone a chuth. Yes. I am foul.

  • Rajni Ma'am's luminous smile every morning.

  • Snickering when you want to laugh your guts out. Just so we don't cause angry stares for making a ruckus.

  • Ahmed sir's absolutely crazy code word for Jana and me as an entity. All hail the "cuckoo clock of the office" ;)

  • The non-sensical almost crying with profound sadness and insane laughter at the same time, with a piece of your heart.

  • The absolutely delicious water of the nile we are blessed with twice a day.

  • The ravenous feeling of hunger EVERYDAY at twelve thirty and sometimes at twelve it self.

  • The tripping, falling, bickering we do everyday in an over crowded setwin.

  • The uncomfortable office parties where we stand in a corner and have a comfortable gathering of our own.

  • The code word usage of ‘party’ in our day-to-day lives.

  • The love for ‘Rosso’ work and the craving for more always.

  • The countless unique names we fabricate.

  • The universal weird feeling for “hi folks”.

  • The mutual love, admiration and basic smitten behaviour for the wittiest man alive.

  • The lousy sneaky multiple attempts at browsing Facebook at work.

  • The joint love and hatred for any work that is repeatedly sent back.

  • The perennial joy of opening the times to see Shahid in it. Topless.

  • The inexplicable anger that the maid has for us cause we wont get up fast enough when she comes to sweep.

  • The horoscope reading, abusing the times astrologer for hating us, but reading it the next day anyway.

  • The persistent cursing of the unfairness that plagues this world.

  • The shock of finding someone so similar yet so different from me and discovering her bit by bit everyday.

  • The constant mockery of our bond. Somehow always hinting at our ‘ways’.

  • The numerous samosas that tasted totally miserable. The reason we still eat there is beyond my comprehension.

  • The statement “if you rascals are done surfing explicit content”, that brings the shocked look on Jana’s face and a laughter resounding from mine.

  • The excruciating conversations that always make us want to cry and kill ourselves. And we never do it. Just have some more of these conversations.

  • The fact that 75% of this office wears glasses, enjoys listening to music, reading, eating, laughing loudly and writes on pieces of paper with pencil when technology is all around binds them together in one way or the other. It is endearing to see from a distance and magnificent to be a part of.

  • The sound of the words “rascals, bums, nonsense, utter rubbish” when used in same or different statements will never be the same again.

  • The torture we put Ranjit sir through with our ‘nonsense’ ideas and uncontrollable laughing.

  • The number of cars that have swished by and been counted. The number of waves that lit up my day.

  • The treacherous climb of 3 floors that always seem more than they are.

  • The ‘words of wisdom’ that pour out of my mouth in bursts that send Jana into fits of almost-falling-off the chair laughter.

  • The good and bad trouble we get ourselves into on the exact days with different and same people.

  • This post is capable of going on and on. But I will stop. Months have flown by in a breeze… like a breeze… at Breeze.
Words of wisdom:

Crazy shit happens all the time. Pure love for your job happens rarely.
* Note: All reference to us is to jointly express Janette Rahman and me. Yes we are two people unlike common perception.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Are you in?

Walking, riding or even just "on the streets" without being fully covered they say is hazardous to the skin thanks to global warming. And it is also said you can keep the devil and the evil eyes at bay. So I covered up for both the above reasons. Little did I know, by devil they meant every-foul-word-strung-neatly-together jerk man that roams the roads. Neither did I know that my vocabulary would be put to test along with my patience. Only one could win. Earlier the former was usually the one victorious. Of late I have embraced the latter but not without raising a lot of internal resistance.
*Hot piece of ass*, *whistles* and *flying kisses* are meant to be ignored. *Middle fingers*, *foul words* and *irrational staring* are to be side lined and forgotten entirely. But for how long and seriously how much longer can it be overlooked?
Recently my mom told me that Marredpally (my once-upon-a-time safe adda) was being ‘cleaned’ of the street puppies. My beloved street puppies. This sent my mind spinning, slipping and sliding into trauma land. Then I had a very sadistic thought. What if all those... umm ...scoundrels could be locked up like in a Jerk-Pound? Life would turn around. Morning walks would be enjoyable again. Evening jogs will be refreshing yet again. Outings with girl friends would be just plain peaceful. No horrid ‘make friendship’ interruptions. No need to worry about being ‘groped’. Life would finally be “normal”.
Then I realize, all I need to start the Jerk-Pound is some money and a whole lot of supporters. What we do to them after they are put behind bars is left to the imagination of the members of the catch-them-patrol.
So, all those in favour say “AII!” All those not, keep an eye out for a truck. ;)

Note: A special THANK YOU to the gentlemen in my life. God bless you!!

Monday, February 08, 2010

My 12 lakh vehicle.

As usual I wait for a bus at Patny by 9:30 every morning. My bus journeys have been drastically reduced from almost 40 minutes to not even 10 minutes. I love traveling by the bus. It is usually the highlight of my good friend and often visitor - The bad day. I must be one of those very few who it turns the day around for. But think about it, you avoid all traffic, you don’t get as frustrated as you would and you get to see so much.
For three years, APSRTC and I have become good friends. I appreciate her existence each day (anything non living automatically becomes a she in my life) as she saves me a lot of money and a hell lot of unnecessary grrr (translate to a tiny cubs growl). In all this traveling I have had a million lovely and some I-wish-to-not-ruin-this-post-with experiences. But even in my worst mood I still enjoy a long bus journey. It calms me down, picks me up and keeps me smiling all so effortlessly. Here’s why:
• Blush: I always bump into some woman/man who will be on the phone and blushing. God bless cheap schemes.
• Men: Some rare times I find a sweet chivalrous man who will offer us his ‘men’s’ seat. I usually refuse. But the gesture restores my faith in nice men.
• Drivers: The sweet, kind and extra defensive drivers who lose their mind if a man boards from the front. The care for their lady passengers is overwhelming.
• Conductors: Ones that smile at you while giving you your ticket. And nudge you to tell you there’s an empty seat at the back.
• Co-passengers: A seated co-passenger who sees you are carrying a oh-so-heavy bag and offers to hold it to reduce your load while standing.
• Book reader: A girl so lost in her book that it just makes you smile. It reminds you of life’s little joys
• Friends: A couple of guys and girls laughing hysterically. Their laughter is energizing and makes you smile and even laugh without having an ounce of clue why.
• Baby care: A young girl giving up her seat for a lady with a baby. Kindness still lingers in our lives. Yay!
• Ladies special: My personal favourite. A woman foot boarding up front and another at the back. The conductor jointly screaming at the two. The women smiling and getting off the bus with a broad smile, teeny horns and a contagious bounce.
• Music lover: A guy with a headset, a hood and staring out the window so lost in his music. I always worry if he ever gets off at the right stop. But I smile because I feel if he didn’t it wouldn’t bother him in the least. As long as he had his player.
There are millions of people who travel by bus everyday. Who take the time to just relax. Who pile their road worries on the driver. Who enjoy the simple beauties of nature and of the world whizzing by. To all of you, I totally hear you.
To APSRTC, thank heavens for you, I reach work on time and chirpy. :)

Monday, February 01, 2010

Be nice. It's not so hard.

There's constructive criticism. There's plain cynicism.
I rather withhold my comments and strong opinions of the latter. It flows like gutter water and clearly that is not NICE. When watching something made by superior, similar or lesser mortals... you are only entitled to an opinion. Not a judgment. Note they are not the same by a long shot. And i can't help but get annoyed by your strong and curt judgments. Don't blame me if a fly falls in your tea/coffee this morning.
I AM a believer that everyone is entitled to an opinion. Even if it makes me want to finish you with my own hands, it is still your opinion. But there is a limit I have seen a lot of people cross. With me and with a hell lot of nice and talented people around.
There are some things that are plain brutal and better left unsaid. If you find some desperate need and urge to say them, find the nicest way possible to get your message across. Or else, try to shut it. If Shashi Tharoor, J.K. Rowling, Mario Puzo, Kahlil Gibran or even Salman Rushdie were to tell me I was an utter rubbish writer, I would accept it graciously and not hold the slightest trace of a grudge. I wouldn’t be so gracious if someone else were to use those exact words. I would mutter to myself only. But you will not be on my ‘are nice’ list. And those words will find a way to imprint itself in my head.
Even if I wanted, I’m not Santa Claus and I can’t fill your stockings with coal on Christmas. I’m not God and I can’t be overly forgiving. And I’m not Satan and I can’t show you some boiling pits of oil.
I’m just me. I still deserve and would truly appreciate some niceness. I’m not asking for roses, chocolates or sugar coated pretzels. I’m asking for you to be courteous and treat me with some dignity. Some and I will not complain. I promise. You won’t be rewarded with pearls, gold or any riches. You will be blessed with happy thoughts in my head. That’s not much maybe. But it is something nice at least.
And just know if you are easy to bring someone down, there is someone around your corner to reciprocate the favour. Be it karma or irony. You are in trouble and that is certain.
So, be nice. It’s not so hard. You might not make someone’s day but at least you won’t ruin it. Try it. And at the very least impress yourself. For all you know, your stockings will be full of surprises.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

A game..

A thing of the past,
An ache in the present,
A thorn in the future,

Why can’t I erase this pain?
When will I feel like myself again?

A jolt of thoughts,
A flash of the past,
A river of emotions,

It’s a game of my mind,
To isolate and stay perpetually on rewind.

A flood of rage,
An overdose of bravery,
A sprinkle of perception,

When will I see the right?
And stop this insane reasoning with all my might?

A jerk of insanity,
The swing of moods,
A speck of spite,

It’s a game of my mind,
To pick the mindless feeling all the while.

A swirl of complication,
A taste of regret,
The smell of defeat,

Why can I not face the shock?
And stop reveling in the light of the dark?

The pace of judgment,
The noise of silence,
The intellect of insight,

It’s a game of my mind,
To detach logic and conquer the innocence outright.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Depressingly satisfying consolation

She laughed to herself. And then her look turned sour. Directed at herself really. Could it be possible that she was harbouring such hostility? But the fact remains that she is. And it is far from easy to let it all go. She jumped up and down, covered her head with her hood. She had a grim expression. She made up her mind to not think throughout her run. She braced the cool early morning breeze. The sun had not yet risen. But she could feel the miniscule ray of hope, sparks of the brand new day. Ironically just then seemed like her player switched to the next song and the track was pretty morose. A look of disapproval crossed her face. She shuddered it off and switched the song instantly. She wanted to at the very least, start the day positive. She began her jog again. She let the song determine the pace of her running. The fast songs giving her an instant boost of energy. The slow numbers giving her time to catch her breath. She blessed shuffle play aloud. She jogged… closing her eyes for a second to inhale the breathtaking sunrise and the magnificent calm of the morning. The positive energies swept through her. Her face showed a remarkable change. It was like a transfer of energies from mother nature to her. She opened her eyes in hope that the day wouldn’t be gloomy. She could not stand that. She wrinkled her nose at the thought. She spent most of her waking moments drowning herself in the imaginary memories of her imaginary prince. She smiled and blushed at the thought of him. The imaginary prince who would save her from the demons of the world. She shook her head in an attempt to shake the thought off. Or were those also only imaginary. Damn. She looked frustrated with herself. She was losing that positive streak already. Determined to stay positive she gritted her teeth and attempted that fake smile.
It was like I could read her mind. Like it was a reflection of mine. Every day I followed her early morning routine right from her doorstep all through her run… all from my kitchen window. It resembled mine only marginally. But I could recognise that look of sheer desperation anywhere. The same look that was wanting a change. And a change fast. I could relate to that look. I felt that look. And I couldn’t help recognise that same look that stares back at me every time I look in a mirror.
I didn’t know who she was.
Just a girl who had caught my eye. Just a girl who I craved to sight every morning. Just a girl who did a better job than my wretched mirror. Just a girl who reminded me that there are many more women like me out there.
She probably was not thinking any of the things I imagined her to be. But it was a depressingly satisfying consolation that I gave myself every time I saw her… I am not alone.


Note:
The content has no reference to any person/animal living or dead. Any resemblance is purely a work of your imagination. This is entirely a work of fiction.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

Revelations of 2009

Every year we learn new things. This year I want to take the time and point out the weird stuff I learnt. Cheers to everyone who helped me learn them.

• Prathama and Dwithiya Raghavan are exceptions to every rule. They are perfect.
• Layla Raghavan is my everything. My love, my life.
• Usha Raghavan and K.R.Raghavan are still so in love. It's adorable.
• Paarth Jhala is the only one of a kind Big Friendly Giant around. Thanks for all the rescuing.
• Neehara Sanjivi is the cutest tiniest person around.
• Kapil B. Baldev is the patientest person on this planet.
• Not all men are jerks. Not all women are bitches. I have met a fair share of both good and bad in 2009.
• Huzefa Kapadia loves AIESEC. You have to love him in spite of his love. Sorry huz. We don’t approve.
• You can take any food away from Aishuwarya Sudarshan but not ice cream!!! Don't dare try it.
• Love comes to us in mysterious and obvious ways.
• Kumail Sadiq is the fastest walker in Hyderabad. Deal with his pace or walk with aishu and huz!
• Time and distance has made Anvitha Patalay, Nenita Praveen and Srinidhi Raghavan stronger.
• Kalyan Yasaswi is a friend indeed. Also one of the best photographers in town.
• Chris Isaac has a secret nidhi mood detector. Thanks chris.
• Prasanna V. Loganathar is the coolest geek.
• Kushang Moorthy can make me smile very very easily.
• Not every stalker is dangerous.
• Reading and writing are the best habits I have.
• Zubin. J. Poovathinkal is the best lawyer I know. He can fight two sides of any case. ANY case
• Friends are those that allow you to pick up where you left off without any questions, that don't judge you, that are able to forgive you for your foolishness, that love you for your stupidities.
• I met the best boss, the wittiest man and I completely love my job.
• Janette Rahman is a blessing in disguise. She doesn’t know it yet.
• You learn all the important lessons the hard way. Trust me.
• If a woman who is better than you thinks you are nice. Don't argue. Thank you Vineeta.
• Rommel Anand is a piece of awesomeness.
• Jonathan Brainard has a knack for gifting innovative presents.
• Janice (a.k.a our kinetic) is a savior alright.
• India is India. You can hate how she functions but never her.
• My home is my sanctuary.
• What goes around comes back around. Be prepared. For anything.


Note:
The order has no relevance in anything. Just how the thought flowed.