Thursday, August 19, 2010

I miss the innocence.

A lecturer in my college got me thinking. He wanted us to fight to stay away from doing what the crowd does, as a journalist. I want to take his thought beyond the frame of a journalist, to our characters and life. People tell me I am no longer innocent. Sometimes I wonder why in God's name I grew up. It is so hard to have seen the world, its harsh realities and then fight to stay good.

When I meet cheats, liars and jerks, I complain. I refrain from behaving the way they do. Can I not apply that to every aspect? I wonder why I am tempted so often to sink to that level as a sense of defense. When someone hurts you, you find a need to recoil. The art of high road is dead. I love taking the high road. But there is a limit till you can take it. After that you are tempted to attack back. Fighting that urge and staying true to myself is a fight I face everyday. I wonder if such thoughts enter the minds of those causing me harm. I suppose not. Else they do a good job of ignoring them.
I once read, "Broken bones are easy". The truth in this statement is astounding. The words, phrases, paragraphs and stories people weave to make us believe a "truth" makes me wish I was a monk or another species. But if I were to give them the benefit of doubt and believe for a while, they find a way to prove themselves and me wrong along the way. Making this the most contorted fact of my life.Thanks to them, my innocence is tarnished, I am bordering being highly cynical and I struggle to keep myself afloat. All in an attempt to not become one of the crowd. It's not like I dare to be different, just that I am brave  enough to admit that I am.
I don't need more drama than the natural calamities of this world. But the irony is, I still have some lessons to learn. Till then, I fight to smile. I fight to survive. I fight to grow.


Prathm said...

Mins! the more I read your writings the more I want you to read Sylvia Plath!

Your writing is increasingly going towards a genre called confessional writing and Sylvia Plath was one of the masters of this genre of literaure. Look her up!

Well written! of course

Prathm said...

P.S don't get freaked out by her! She was crazy! :-)

Chris Isaac said...

nice one :)

kneehara said...

i love! :) :) and a little cynicism is always good :) :)

D!! said...

innocence is highly overrated darling!! we are meant to grow and learn from our experiences! i think being cynical is coming halfway..its all up from here!

looking forward to see you write bout how u have learnt to separate the grain from the chaff!!

Srinidhi said...

Mishi!! :* :* I read and I am soo smitten by her amazing work. :) Love you :*

Chris! :D thanks re!! :)

Knee!! love you. :*

D!! :D I love your comments!! :D :D

Sneha said...

Taking the high road all the time in a relationship makes you vulnerable to abuse. Because the tormentor gets used to your forgiveness and understanding, it becomes a pattern. As long as taking the high road is not a compromise of self expression and of self itself (:-D ), high road rocks!