Sunday, November 28, 2010

So close, yet so far.

So easy to get bored of a place,
So easy to tire when seeing a face,
But months pass, years fly
you crave the same face,
you need it near by.

But long ago you said goodbye.
You swore you will never need it by, your side.

You had grown accustomed,
to the sounds of silence.
You had grown used to,
speaking for the others.

In your mind,
you weren't alone.
But in reality,
you were indeed.

How you pushed them away,
from fear of being stepped on.
How a shell you went into,
terrified of being let down.

After all these years,
you wish they were here,
for friends like those.
are rare to find.

But if they were here,
would they truly be there,
if indeed you did let them in,
would they really stay near?

Some close, yet afar,
they dwell and perish.
others so far, yet on the mind
these dwell and live on.

Some so close to the heart, yet so so far...

The absurd.

"The absurd is born of the confrontation between the human need and the unreasonable silence of the world". "It's absurd" means "It's impossible" but also: "It's contradictory".
These statements are taken from the 'The Myth of Sisyphus' by Albert Camus. They generated a thought cloud in my head. While bouncing it off one of my favourite people at ACJ a.k.a Mahima, we were driven to a larger debate of social constructs and its impact on our thinking. And so I let my mind wander.
It is absurd when a woman full of feminineness willingly makes the choice of keeping her hair short. It is absurd when a woman, fierce and overflowing with enthusiasm for exploring life and the world, chooses a career over a family. Similarly, it is impossible to imagine why a man choose to end his life.
All the above are thought to be crazy and sometimes even insane. But who is to define what is 'sane' and since when did being insane become a crime. As far as I remember Vincent Van Gogh is a genius. Probably the only one of his kind. Yet he died in his 30s with only one ear. While reading the book, I soon discovered that the author echoed my thoughts on several thought streams with such clarity. In his words "The absurd depends as much on man as on the world he lives in." In other words the feeling of absurdity doesn't evolve from either of them individually but from the confrontation of the two. And that is not the truth. Just one of the truths spinning around in the wild breeze.
It made me question one of the truths I personally believe, if we as an entire community were to break these norms and behave as we please, these constructs would cease to exist. Hopefully. On the other hand, we have an odd rebel or two roaming around tattooed and pierced, bravely stringing their personality and character along for us to see. Certainly not ashamed of who they are.
In all honesty and fairness, I envy them. For if it is true, we have a short life and I would like to live life without having to keep the numerous social constructs in mind. And if I please to take my own life, I certainly don't deserve others looking at me as insane if I succeed or a felon should I not succeed.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Distorted lies.

You said your share,
I heard it from here,
It seemed your side,
my side was no where.

You retold it,
to another ear,
it was just your tale,
mine lie forgotten.

It spread this way,
from ear to mouth,
mouth to ear,and I saw it
all the way from here.

Far from you,
I perched to see,
how far from the truth,
the tale began to be.

I never said a word,
the fault was mine,
For my story stayed hidden,
yours turned to gospel, oh my.

Nobody imagined,
there was another tale,
a silent story,
of that fair lonely maiden.

Distorted lies,
Unspoken truth,
led to a silent death,
of her within.

Soon it was her who lie,
forgotten like her tale,
as the world spun around,
pleasantly unaware.

Friday, November 12, 2010

My make mark.


I was in a class I had been really looking forward to; Critical International Issues. My sir happened to mention this concept of multiple identities in a society. It triggered something in my mind. Post that everything he said was a blur. He was talking of how in a society conflicts arise because of conflicting identities. I was not thinking of a society at all. Self centered that I am, the debate in my mind had been brought down to the conflicting ideas within me. I want to travel the world, I thought. I want to treat myself to the mystical pasts of culture and the transformations of traditions. On the other hand, I want to help the species that need my help. Including animals that can't voice what they want, people whose voices go unheard and stories that live and die without being acknowledged. Apart from all this I want to be a writer; a writer who has class, style and who is unlike the usual.

When I adamantly broke away from my wishful identities I heard my sir mention, these identities co exist if we allow them to. I realized at that moment that the only reason I am who ever I am, is cause of these multiple overlaps of my multiple identities. These overlaps create a unique combination of ideals, wishes and wants. People might have the same combinations but the way they overlap in me is exclusive to just little old me.

So, I might be crazy in the head to want all these identities of mine to co-exist in this short life of mine. But I can vouch for the fact that I cannot be recreated, at least not in the same way that I was, making this the hallmark of my identity. I am not like you and you will never be like me. That is just the mark of my make.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Compassion Fatigue



You came to me for help,
I gave you my all,
A shoulder, a hug, a kiss,
A friend to lean on.

You never saw me,
In the way I did,
But, You always returned
To lean on me.

I never let you down,
You in turn grew on me,
A shoulder, a hug, a kiss,
I was there to lean on.

I was pushed down,
I looked for you,
You were no where to be found,
For me to lean on.

I felt let down,
When I needed only you,
A shoulder, a hug, a kiss,
A friend to lean on.

You came running,
When someone let you down,
I gave you my hand,
And a shoulder to lean on.

But, When I looked,
You were never found,
For, a shoulder, a hug, a kiss,
A friend to lean on.

Slowly I drained,
My power to feel,
I felt fatigue,
I was now all weak.

I let us reach here,
For you were never around,
For, a shoulder, a hug, a kiss,
Or a friend to lean on.

This is the end,
I am sorry we are here,
You drove me to,
My compassions end.

I never believed I would feel,
This let down,
For I never had your shoulder,
When I needed it to lean on.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Statelessness

Here I was,
believing I belonged,
little did I know,
they didn't feel alike.

We grew up as one,
growing into the other,
But little did I know,
I was always kept aside.

You told me we are one,
I absorbed what I saw,
But little did I know,
I didn't really belong.

You were mine too,
you said it so,
But little did I know,
that it was all a lie.

I was soon thrown out,
you didn't help me up,
But little did I know,
you would just watch me go.

People in power,
didn't like our bond,
But little did I know,
they only wanted all of you.

I was born into you,
but you were never mine,
Now I know, I would
always be a visitor to you.

I came looking for refuge,
I gave my heart to you,
But little did I know,
you would never really be mine.

Note: This one is from a refugee to the land. :)

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Split personality.

Voices in my head,
Contradicting each,
One urged let go,
other held for hope.

Trying to shelter,
My self from harm,
walking backwards,
Seemed more smart.

Subtlety was my art,
I don't express, but,
You were thick
and hard as a rock.

You didn't sense,
the turmoil within,
You didn't see,
the pain brewing.

One voice told me,
It will fade away,
You will see,
and change your way.

A voice warned,
it was far from real,
this illusion of,
your good will.

I was torn,
between these voices,
But I failed to see,
it was always me I had to,
look out for, you see.

Just Stop.

Broken inside,
torn apart,
it all looked bleak,
yet you did not stop.

You inched closer,
I wasn't harsh,
You were stubborn,
A new blow to my heart.


I tried to keep you away,
You drew your sword,
I screamed to leave,
Yet you did not stop.


You held on tighter,
I didn't force too hard,
You were harsh,
A new blow to my heart.


My fault I didnt say,
Stop. Just stop,
Before you deal,
Another blow to my heart.

Am I so predictale?


You knew you could leave,
And you did,
You knew I would forgive,
And I did.
Am I so predictable?

You knew you could scream,
And you didn't let me down,
You knew I would listen,
And I didn't let you down.
Am I so predictable?

You knew I would never yell back,
You were surprised when I did,
You knew I would never walk out,
You were shocked when I warned.
I am not so preditable.
Dont push me too hard. Soon I will resist.

And shut the front door behind you...

I dont need your drama,
I dont deserve your shit,
You aren't the only one blessed,
We all have our own problems.

Anger or malicious content,
creepy, shady thoughts,
take them as you go,
and shut the front door behind you.

I dont like to sink low,
I dont want more pain,
you aren't the only one troubled,
we all have our own problems,

You scream, I shout,
We have lost our dignity now,
just walk out of here today,
and shut the front door behind you.

I am done crying,
I need to fight,
you arent singled out,
we all have our own problems,

You name call, I retort,
we fight a mindless battle,
I dont want your negativity,
leave,
and shut the front door behind you.

I cared too much to let it all go,
Till you pushed me too low,
It's time now,
shut the front door behind you.