Monday, December 20, 2010

2010- the year gone by.

As I glance around me in ACJ, the day we were leaving, I realise the year 2010 is one I will never forget. As Brooke says in One Tree Hill, "there are some moments when you realise that you will no longer be the same." For me, 2010 was one long moment.
  • To never let anyone else feel superior to me. They cant be. For they will never have my make mark. 
  • Every devastating low is followed by an incredible high. I just have to wait for it.
  • "Nafarat ki duniya ko chodke, pyar ki duniya mein kush rehna mere yaar."
  • The elements of grey, trail the scenes of our times.
  • I must make the most of what I get, what I have. And complain less.
  • I must learn to understand subtle hints and not wait for a brutal fall.
  • I have the best armour. Thanks to my family and extended family. <3
  • Silence is not deafening for me. But calming, peaceful and enlightening. It tells me that everything in this world is subjective.
  • I will always be fine.
  • The world is a nice place. Just depends on in which direction I am looking.
  • It is easier to pretend. But it is not better.
  • Never question good deeds, happiness and love. They come in short supply and in spurts.
  • I am not alone. I am not afraid.
  • Battles are tough to fight each day. But I must "learn to take pride in my struggle".
  • Black clouds lead to rain. Rain leads to wet mud. So even the darkest moment has a hidden, masked high.
  • I found my calling.
  • I can be strong if I want to.
  • I push myself better than I imagined.
  • Blame games don't work. And are not worth my energy.
  • Acceptance of the truth is tough. But necessary and worth it.
  • I will fly. High and far.
  • Just cause people hit me where it hurts, doesn't mean I need to do the same. Life is not about winning.
  • High road sucks. But somewhere I know that thanks to all the high roads I took, I became a better person.
  • I doubt myself, my capabilities every single day. But I know one thing. I can get whatever I set my heart and mind to.
  • I am generally nice. Unless you push at my hidden buttons of malice. Even then, you have to push really hard for me to voice it. It could be my weakness that I let people take me for a ride. But I consider it my biggest strength. For after all, "an eye for an eye and the whole world will be blind".
2010 had my highest high and lowest low. But as 2010 ends, I am stronger, wiser, smarter, more independent, passionate and fully aware that I have what it takes to chase my dreams. No matter what, I will always be me. And no one can take that away from me. All I need is a little faith. :)

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Lying down in darkness

Invisible tears wet my pillow,
as I lie down,
Tired and hurt,
Yet another fall, way down below.

This time it was not you or him or her,
It was me, my experience,
That tainted soul,
That heaviness I bore,
Weighs me down,
Despicable, me.

Questioning the contours of mine,
Doubting all that appears, here and thine.

Imagining the past that was,
The person I could have been,
Those that could have stayed,
Here and mine.

The sights, the sounds that didn't become,
the future that forced me to succumb.

Dreaming about you, me, the world,
Illusions of our times, as they were,
Petals, leaves and stems,
Dried, forgotten, gone.
Perhaps we were.

As I look up from darkness,
Aware, scared and still,
You, me, the world that would never be.

Me floating in that moment,
When I did believe,
You, me, the world did exist,
But you and me, have ceased to be.

Now,
Impassive and silent,
I lie in this darkness,
Unseen, Unchained,
Despicable me.