Monday, February 07, 2011

Reality check.

So often I stand in front of a mirror and look closely at the person locking eyes with me. This unknown face stares back. A face that I just cannot recognize. Maybe I have lost touch with my inner self I think. It is quite understandable, since I feel I have been busy. Busy pretending to be someone I really am not. It is very easy to pretend. Pretend to be happy when you are not. Pretend to not be angry when you are. Pretend it is easy to get over hurt and pain. My eyes drop and I can no longer look at myself. Or this person I have became. In that moment I wonder if it is okay to change so much you can't remember the person you used to be. Probably if you are happy being the person you are now. Possibly.
In the years we live on earth we all form relationships. Some really wonderful ones, some good ones, some insanely irrational ones and some horrible ones. They all last a particular frame of time in our lives. Some last a very long time and end perhaps with death, some end abruptly, some end well, some bad, while some just deserve to be forgotten. Irrespective of the nature of the relationship I guess they all do have an end date. In all this there is one relationship that is the longest one a human being can ever have; the relationship the person has with themselves. In other words, my relationship with me. It is a long and hard relationship. One that is very demanding of one's energy, attention and a lot of work. It really got me thinking if in the past years I have done justice to that relationship of mine.
And I found an answer that was very upsetting. No. I have paid no attention to my inner self. I have let her face the trauma of my self inflictions and the stabs of pain by the harsh world. Well, no more. Not any more. A dear dear friend once told me, "If you don't have faith in you, there is no point in me having all the faith in the world in you." I know now how right she is. So maybe I am learning the most important lesson too late, and that being selfish isn't necessarily a bad thing. 
I believe in me, I believe I am strong. "For belief makes things alright, for belief makes things real."

As I look at my reflection in the mirror, I see the me I have always known. I smile and think "thanks for standing by me, you."


D!! said...

Cheers! love the thought as much as the post!! :)

Anonymous said...

In love with the thought! and the way u did justice it! This one has a touch of class :)

kneehara said...

:) :*

Prathm said...

Love it Mins! Well written!

Goes well with all the thoughts circling my brain since I watched 127 hours! Excellent movie about relationship with self :-)