Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Mind my space. Please.

I am a space monger. Most out-of-place activities irritate me and I really can get annoyed. It was time I listed a few necessary rules while dealing with me (and hopefully others) in public. For those who do follow these rules, I am grateful you exist. For others, please learn and implement. It is for the good of mankind and community living.


Necessary etiquette while at office or while dealing with strangers:
  • If I adjust my stole at least thrice while we are having a conversation, take the hint. You are looking at my breasts too often.
  • I like how I sit in MY chair. If you find it uncomfortable, don't sit that way. Do NOT tell me how to sit.
  • I don't know you well. We have a cordial relationship. DO NOT touch my phone if you want to ever use your fingers again. And after two warnings, I will clobber you.
  • If I can smell what you ate/ smoked five minutes before you spoke to me, you are too close for comfort. Step back. Pop Altoids. I am getting dizzy.
  • Reading something I am typing in my phone/ computer over my shoulder is rude in any country. I have no clue where you were brought up.
  • Mocking my Hindi when I respect your complete lack of knowledge of the basics of English language will lead you straight to hell. I might do something to quicken the process.
  • I look like a duck haan? Well tough luck. You look like a complete ass to me.
  • Leaning in real close to tell me I made a mistake is not professional. I am a big girl. I can take the loud acknowledgment of the fact.
  • Tapping my knee when we are having a conversation is just strange. Period.
  • When I tell you I will beat you up with my slipper, take the hint. I am not exactly in love with you. Buzz off.
  • Do not linger after our very brain dead conversation. I have already been having a conversation with my evil side in my head for the past ten minutes. So just leave. Painlessly.
  • Telling me I shouldn't do something is frankly none of your business. Despite what you think, I have people who care about me. They will give me the heads up. Thanks. NOT!
If I am the sole freak in this circus, then just humour this as a rant and move on. :D

17 comments:

Towards Harmony said...

S! This is a nice new sarcastic side to your writing!

This is pure sarcastic brilliance :-)

Deafening APPLAUSE!

R-A-J said...

Nice... think I'll stick this on my cubicle wall too.. ok wait, maybe I won't.. :D

Nice one Sri.. like the edge :)

Soumya said...

Reminded me of... well, me! Only that I'd give no warning or adjust myself. I'd just blurt it out on their face! :)

Sinduja Ragunathan said...

oops...someone seems to have hit the wrong vein ;)

Archana Chari said...

he he..was fun readin!

Psych Babbler™ said...

Haha...where do you meet these weirdos??? Hope they take note of your views...and you are not the sole person thinking like this. If it happened to me, I'd say the same!!!

Red Handed said...

"Reading something I am typing in my phone/ computer over my shoulder is rude in any country. I have no clue where you were brought up."
TRUE TRUE TRUE!!!
I hate such people sooo much!

D!! said...

Loved it! Was a fun breezy read! But some serious comments on our work culture!

Spaceman Spiff said...

Hi-Faive gal!! I can so relate to this. I hate it if people get too close for comfort. And the reading-sms-monitor-screen people are so annoying. I make it a point to tell on their face "It's rude to read other people's monitors, you know?" If they can be open about their shamelessness, why should I hide my rudeness?

And woman, please do more of such sarcastic writing. It's fun! :D

kneehara said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is like a written punch in the goodies! :P :P if numbnuts dont get it then i think you might have to do a more literal demonstration :P
This is the funniest post ever!! love it! :D :*

Srinidhi said...

@towards harmony: Thank you babe!! It was refreshing to write it! :D :*

@R-A-J: Thank you!! :D :D U will repel your colleagues :P But i should stick it on my board :P


@Soumya: HAHA! so proud of you!! I wish i had that kind of balls.

@Sindu: Hell ya. every single vein!!! :\

@Archana: Thank you :D

@Psychbabbler: My depressing office. :( Mannerless gits!!

@red: AGREE!! Idiots. :\

@D!! I know. It is sad :( But it was so good to write it :D

@Spacemanspiff: Thank you :D :D I loved writing it :D And yes. They need a taste of their own medicine. :\

@Kneehara: I would love to do that :P They deserve it anyway :P :P :*

Rahul Bhatia said...

This was a superbly written piece! Good definitions of comfort zone!:)

Jack said...

Srinidhi,

Someone really got on your nerves. But what you say is basic etiquette for any cordial relationship.

Take care

sumitra said...

Ahh, Knee tapping. That annoys me to know end. Actually, everything you wrote about annoys me to no end.

sumitra said...

*no

shuuuu said...

BRILLLIANT ...... I'm sending this link to a lot of people

Reema Sahay said...

I loved every sentence that you wrote here. I agree with all of them. People should just learn to respect the space!