Sunday, March 11, 2012

A familiar silence

I moved into a home of my own in Bengaluru in the end of January this year. I was very nervous and even terrified of what was in store for me. I had not lived all alone before. I kept wondering, would I cook every night? Would I cry myself to sleep cause I was lonely? Would I be scared of the darkness? Would I eventually need a roommate? I have now successfully lived a month and two weeks in a house all alone without too much drama. I have had sensational nights alone, some spent laughing with friends and family and I have had bad nights alone as well. But the good definitely overpowers the rest. It is strange because so often I have been told its wonderful to come home to loved ones or a known face.And that eventually I am going to feel very lonely. But after a month, my home, its smell, its dark corners, its quiet spaces, its quirks, are a warm welcome. I like to hear that familiar sound of the fridge when I walk in. I like knowing exactly where all my stuff is. Most importantly, I love the liberating feeling it gives me to pay my own rent, electricity bill and just run a house.
Being the youngest child, my family loved to pamper me. I was never faced with the need or overwhelmed by the want to cook or clean because someone else was always doing it. So moving out and living alone was a way for me to grow up. Shockingly, my home now (though small) is actually very clean. I wash my own clothes and I love doing it every Saturday morning. I found myself take to living alone very naturally. I always loved my space but living with a happy family I never had a reason to feel alone. Living alone does bring with it that challenge of never having someone around for a hug. And I am truly glad that I am handling it well. In fact, I am loving it quite a bit.
As I work for long hours each day, coming home to an empty house is often a relief. But every once in a while, a strange feeling creeps up on me, to question if this comfort I have with being alone means something far more serious. Now, I just push the thought away and go back to enjoying my solitude. For after all, if it makes me happy, it can't be that bad right?


Parth Jhala said...

Does seem like an ominous prospect for someone who hasn't lived alone! I am sure you are doing good and that it will only get better!
My biggest worry would be the cooking part..:P...but since u seem to have that covered, you are well set! :D

sumukh bansal said...

living alone is no bad till you know what you want from your self..
sometimes it teaches you things no body can teach you..
but on the other side sometimes once you start enjoying living alone ,it become difficult to live with some one else after that...

Anonymous said...

Jealous is happening. I want the lonliness. Maachupiichu.

Psych Babbler™ said...

Ah how I envy you! I would live alone if I could afford it but can't at the mo. But in between flatmates, I have had the place to myself and loved it! I definitely prefer having teh house to myself to sharing with another person.

kneehara said...

If it makes you happy, then it cant be that bad. :) :)
you cant really make judgments about certain things until you experience them first hand... living alone is definitely one of them...
plus if you ever need some annoying company in that cute little house of yours, it's only a phone call away so it's really not that bad at all! :D

i'm so proud of you and that you are so fiercely independent :) :) :*

Spaceman Spiff said...

I like living alone. But you know what, sweety? Don't make it a habit. Once you get used to it, it'll be very difficult to adjust otherwise. Trust me.

And you actually LOVE washing clothes??! :/

Sinduja said...

Living alone is great as long as you are occupied through the day with other things. Then, it is a welcome treat to come back to. But I wonder how you feel on holidays. Anyways have fun! :)

Miss Iffa said...

I recently stumbled across your blog and I LOVE it! I love the layout to the content and everything in between! I am your newest, most avid follower.


Jen..The Butterfly Effect said...

I agree with Sumukh totally!! I'm a new follower at your other blog!! :) Is there still a continuation to S&N love story ?:)

D!! said...

I completely loved living alone! n now i live with family! its a tricky transition but both are fabulous arrangements i feel!!

Loved your post, love your home and hope you have a blast there!!

Srinidhi said...

@parth: haha! Yes. cooking is not bad. :p Thanks :*

@Sumukh: Maybe. But the personal growth one has when they live alone is totally worth it.

@Maachupiichu: I wish the same for you!

@Psych babbler: I know right? I have had room mates before. Nothing really matches living alone. :D

@Kneehara: Thanks love! :* I am glad I will have my nights of looniness with you around! :D LOVE!

@Spaceman Spiff: hehehehe! yes!! I actually love washing vessels also!! :D People say that usually. Lets hope I can manage :)

@sindu: The calmness on holidays is great too. Love to just relax and read or watch something. :)

@Miss Iffa: Thank you for your kind words. :) Keep visiting :)

@Jen: Thank you so much! I am delighted you loved that story. It is a personal favourite. :)

@D!! Yes love! I hope it will be a happy place for me! :D Love! :*